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Humor

Some humorous or otherwise interesting stories:


APPLETON, WI. (UPI '97)-

Nadean Cool, 44, has sued her psychiatrist for malpractice in a suit alleging that Dr. Kenneth Olson convinced her that she had 120 personalities, then billed her insurance company for group therapy. Her insurance carrier, after adding up bills it paid for her psychiatric care -- about $300,000 -- has joined the suit. Ms. Cool claims that Olson said her 120 personalities included a duck and angels. Thankfully, it appears no one is alleging Cool is mentally healthy.

MIAMI, FL. (AP '96)-

A diabetic patient woke up after an operation to find that the surgeon had mistakenly cut off a foot and one toe. The FL State Board of Medicine reduced a state hearing officer's recommended stiff sentence, and fined Dr. Rolando Sanchez $10,000 and suspended his practice for six months. I'm not saying what he did wasn't wrong, board member Dr. Edward Dauer said, but doctors are not God, and hospitals are not heaven.

NEW YORK, NY. (AP '96)-

Rajeswari Ayyappan, 59, checked in the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center for brain surgery. Medical personnel performed the operation flawlessly... but on the wrong side of his brain. Chief of Neurosurgery, Dr. Ehud Arbit, has been relieved of his duties.

LONDON, England. (Daily Telegraph '96)-

Cancer patient Cyril Smith, 59, gave up his job in 1993 when doctors said he had three months to live. Now Smith, who since giving up his well-paying job has only averaged 48 pounds ($72) a week, is suing the doctors for loss of earnings because he outlived their predictions. I'm not suing the hospital for thousands of pounds. I just want compensation for their mistake, for the three years when I could have earned a living to support my family. I want the hospital to apologize, Smith said.

It's astonishing. People sue for anything these days, absolutely anything, said a British Medical Association spokesman.

ALBANY, NY. (AP '97)-

New York Attorney General Dennis Vacco said that the state was being sued for $10 million by Francis Hugh Smith, a convicted burglar, claiming that poor medical care was the cause for his amnesia that made him leave his work release job and forget to return to prison.

NORFOLK, VA. (AP '96)-

Thomas Passmore, 32, was working at a construction site when he thought he saw '666', a demonic sign, on his hand. So, recalling the Bible's instruction, If thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, he did... with a circular saw. Doctors at Sentara Norfolk General Hospital wasnted to re-attach the hand, but Passmore refused, believing that he would go to hell if he agreed. The doctors contacted a judge, who advised them to follow Passmore's wish and not re-attach his hand.

Now Passmore is suing both the hospital and the doctors, claiming the hospital should have contacted his parents or sister to overrule the judge's decision and that the hospital didn't tell the judge that he was incompetent.

HARARE, Zimbabwe. (Reuters '96)-

A Zimbabwe man was arrested for having sex with a cow. He claimed he was afraid of contracting AIDS from a human partner, so he developed a special, monogamous relationship with the animal. During his court appearance, he expressed his deep affection and love for the cow, recited marriage vows and promised to be faithful while serving his nine month jail sentence.

PITTSBURGH, PA. (Tribune-Review '97)-

An Indiana County man shot himself in the mouth after he mistook a .22 caliber gun for a medicine inhaler. Daniel Sutherland, 49, kept both the inhaler and the gun in the same drawer and accidentally shot himself just before 2 a.m. He was airlifted to Presbyterian University Hospital in Pittsburgh where he was listed in fair condition. The .22 caliber bullet did not exit his head.

ANKARA, Turkey. (AFP '97)-

A 52 year old Turkish man was shot in the leg over his attempts to have a penis transplant from a donkey. On two previous occasions Mehmet Esirgen, 52, purchased donkeys, amputated their sexual organs and appealed in vain to doctors to perform a transplant in order to cure his impotence. His family, opposed to the plan, became hysterical when he purchased a third donkey on his way home from Ankara and one of his sons shot him. For a long time now I have had sexual problems and I have spent all my pension funds to overcome them, said Esirgen. He plans to buy a fourth donkey as soon as he recovers from his wound.

GOA, India. (Reuters '96)-

More than 600 scientists from 17 nations, many of whom drink their own urine and use it for body massage, gathered in western India for the First World Conference on Auto-Urine Therapy to present research showing human urine's healing powers and its effectiveness against cancer, hepatitis B, influenza and diabetes. Several doctors had data showing that urine therapy can ease the painful symptoms of AIDS.

Many patients on auto-urine therapy recover from serious illness, said Dr. Shigeyuri Arai of Japan. His study of 1,752 people who practiced urine therapy found that 60 percent - and 73 percent of cancer patients - reported that their symptoms disappeared. Yes, urine can cure cancer, agreed Dr. Ming Liau, while Dr. Ryoichi Nakao said that about 200,000 Japanese, and perhaps 5 million Germans, gargle their own urine. The Conference attendees, though puzzled as to the reason, generally agreed that some doctors are skeptical and don't even offer their patients urine therapy, despite all the evidence.

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